The Psychology of Confidence: How to Believe in Yourself

Introduction

Confidence is “the quality of being certain of your abilities or of having trust in people, plans, or the future,” as per the Cambridge Dictionary. In other words, it is having absolute faith, belief and trust in yourself and your capabilities (self-confidence), people, plans, and the future (confidence). We need to be confident /self-confident to succeed in life by overcoming challenges that come our way.

Confidence can be developed over a period of time. It is your belief that matters, after all, you are the captain of your ship, and how you decide to sail is your prerogative. You need to believe in yourself to get there.

How to believe in yourself

Believing in yourself is the primary step towards attaining confidence. If you do not believe in yourself or are clouded with self-doubt, you can never succeed in life. Let us see how we can build up our confidence

Do not criticise: How many times have you felt that you were not “good enough”? This, my reader, is what we need to recognise. Do not be harsh on yourself and don’t doubt your abilities. Stop self-criticising yourself and give yourself a break! Learn to think positively and overcome all doubts. Believe in yourself.
KYS: KYS, aka know yourself, is the next step. Delve within and learn what your abilities, strengths, and weaknesses are, so you can work on them. Your strengths will increase your confidence, so keep at it.
Accept: Learn to accept and acknowledge your failures and weaknesses. Focus on turning these failures or weaknesses around. Agreed, that you failed, but failures are a part of life. Accept them peacefully and think of alternatives to overcome them.
One step at a time: Take one step at a time; do not be in a frenzy to solve all your problems simultaneously; rather, handle one problem at a time. Slow and steady.
Realistic goals: Set realistic goals for yourself that you can easily achieve. If you want to wake up early in the morning, say 6 am, set the alarm ten minutes later i.e.6.10 am, and gradually increase the alarm time to 6.05 am and then 6 am, so you achieve the desired wake-up time of 6 am. Simple, isn’t it? Compared to setting the alarm for 6 am and then snoozing it and falling asleep again 😊
Reflect: Reflect on your past successes and failures and learn from them. Reflection lets you set achievable goals. Reflect on your actions. You can remember your successes and make yourself stronger. Work on your strengths and be more successful in life.
No comparisons: The Social Comparison Theory states that it is natural to compare yourself with others, but this does not elevate your self-confidence. On the contrary, it may lead to the reverse, and alleviate your self-confidence. So, please do not compare yourself with others. You are the best, remember that. According to a study in 2018, published in Personality and Individual Differences, it was found that there is a direct link between envy and our feelings about ourselves. Research says that those individuals who compare themselves with others experience a feeling of envy, leading to them feeling the worst about themselves. Something like insecurity.
Self-care: It is important to take care of yourself to feel more confident. Looking good and taking care of your health, plus the way you dress, depict a lot about you. If you go to work wearing unironed clothes, it will spoil your image. You may be judged for your attire rather than having your superior focus on your intellect and capability. Looking presentable and neat does wonders for your self-esteem, as does a spa treatment after a gruelling week at work!
Healthy habits: Developing healthy habits is important. Being punctual, helping others, eating balanced meals, adequate hydration, proper sleep, exercise, practicing Yoga, mindfulness, empathy, focusing on breathing, managing stress by meditation, journaling, expressing gratitude for all you have, taking time for pursuing your hobbies, learning a new craft, travelling, therapies like dance therapy, art therapy, music therapy etc. are all part of a healthy lifestyle. This not only keeps you healthy in mind and body but also boosts your self-confidence.
Optimism: It is so simple to put off something by thinking “I cannot manage it” – being pessimistic. Change this pessimism to optimism. Think – “Of course, I can try, I can do it.” It is as simple as that. All you must do is replace your negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Motivate yourself and see the results! Be your cheerleader.
Learn to say no: This is a crucial aspect of our character. We often find ourselves agreeing to something that we are not comfortable doing, out of the goodness of our hearts. Be assertive and politely decline such requests. After all, feeling uncomfortable is not going to get you a medal. Maintain clear boundaries in your relationships as to what you can and will not do. This will make you feel in control of your life, where you make the decisions. “To do or not to do” should be your final decision.
Keep good company: Always keep yourself in good company of like-minded or positive people -those who appreciate you, care for you and want the very best for you. This will raise your level of confidence as they will have a positive influence on you.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence

Helen Keller

Plus, the side of being confident

Confidence is a good quality to develop over time. Let us see how being confident is beneficial in our day-to-day life.

Listeners: Confidence makes us better listeners. We patiently hear the other person before stating our point.
Self-awareness: Confidence makes us self-assured. We know how to learn from opportunities, as we are aware of what we know and what we do not.
Posture: Confidence shines from our posture. Maintaining direct eye contact and leaning toward the person shows our confidence. Smiling also helps.
Finer achievements: Focusing on our efforts instead of misusing our time and energy on worrying can help us achieve better results.
No bragging: We know what we are, and the world will also know, just no need to shout it from the rooftops.
Composure: Maintaining our composure and controlling our emotions enables us to make rational decisions.
Interpersonal relationships: Being confident helps us manage our relationships and gives us the strength to let go of toxic relationships and remain in caring relationships.
New avenues: Being confident in our ability will make us take up new challenges and try new avenues.
Resilience: Being confident in ourselves elevates our resilience, and we can bounce back after any challenge that we face.

Your success will be determined by your confidence and fortitude

Michelle Obama

Confidence makes us sure of ourselves and our capabilities. We learn to cope with life and all the lemons it sends our way. It makes us navigate smoothly through life, our relationships, and our way of living.

Speaking with a loved one in case of self–doubt can also be beneficial. It can help us regain our confidence. Of course, in extreme cases, where one is subject to psychological issues like anxiety, depression, resulting in low confidence, it is advisable to consult a therapist/ counsellor/medical professional.

Under-confidence stems from fear of the future/fear of our inability/fear of failure. All these can be addressed, over a period, with the proper solutions. Nothing to fear. It is all a part of growing up, and life teaches us everything. Just do not give up and believe in yourself.