International Men's Day: The Hidden Side of Strength
Overview
To all the men out there, fret not! There is a specific day when all men are celebrated – International Men’s Day, which falls on November 19, every year. So, you are special too 😊. All the progress made by men and their successes/contributions made in the sectors, namely social, economic, cultural, and political, towards the families, society, and institutions, is the crux of International Men’s Day.
This is a day of global awareness for issues that men face (but are not much spoken about) like abuse, homelessness, parental alienation, violence, and suicide. The origins of this day go back to the 1960s but the first celebration of International Men’s Day was on 19 November 1999, by Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh, a History Professor at the University of West Indies in Trinidad & Tobago. This date was chosen as it was his father’s birthday and the qualification of the Trinidad & Tobago Football team in the FIFA World Cup! The intention behind celebrating this day is to encourage the discussion of all that boys and men face and how they impact society.
In the year 2007, Uma Challa, an advocate for men’s rights, popularized the concept of celebrating 19 November as International Men’s Day in India since Australia and the West Indies were already celebrating it on that day.
Reasons/intent behind International Men’s Day
- Achievements: This day brings forth the contributions made by men to their families and community, to society and the world, in various fields. It shows the men as role models and raises awareness about their efforts in accomplishing these deeds.
- Health: This day aims to discuss the health – physical and mental, issues that they face as well as ways to overcome them by consulting healthcare professionals.
- Gender equality: This day addresses the need for gender equality as well as challenges the toxic misconceptions affecting both men and women.
- Emotions: This day teaches men to be expressive with their feelings, and feel emotions like crying, etc., without the thought of “what will people say.” It is perfectly fine to have female friends without being stereotyped as debilitated.
- Positive Masculinity: This day is a celebration of male role models and encourages them to express their feelings and susceptibilities, irrespective of their backgrounds. Also to share their journeys with boys/young men thereby inspiring them in their lives.
Events
The celebration involves a host of events that support mentorship programs, where boys and young men can interact with their mentors/role models and gain guidance for their goals. In addition, there are seminars, workshops, panel discussions, to tackle any problems linked to mental health issues, fatherhood, and career development, or any other issues.
This day aims at promoting our basic human values and creating awareness about the problems faced by men. (It is true- men have problems too)
Men are supposedly the providers of the family and therefore they have much more on their mind to fulfill their responsibilities. The theme for International Men’s Day 2023 was “Zero Male Suicide”, which highlighted the need to understand the stress that men go through to provide for their families. As well as understand the burden on the boys to perform well in their studies and avail better work opportunities, so that they can be responsible adults.
Australia is one of the leading countries that is known for championing the causes of International Men’s Day. This year – 2024, the theme set down is “Men’s Health Champions” aimed at:
- Making the community healthy
- Looking out for your mates
- Act, stay healthy
- Creating a healthier future
This holds for men all over the globe too. It is a time to understand the issues men face and the measures that the Government, public service departments, large-scale businesses, and industries, as well as NGOs, can take to make the world a healthier place for boys and men.
Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.
Breaking Gender Stereotypes
There are a couple of prevalent notions: (i) men cannot cry, (ii) men do not feel pain and (iii) men do not do needlework/crotchet. All these notions are untrue. Men, like women/others, are humans too and they have every right to cry, feel pain, and express their emotions. They have every right to love doing needlework/crotchet. It is their life and they can live it as they deem fit.
Men as Silent Victims
Strange as it may sound, men are also victims of abuse and deceit. There are instances where women falsely implicate men for financial gain. Many times, the men choose to keep quiet rather than scream from the rooftops about how they were conned. At the same time, they may be seething within, wanting to break free from such a toxic relationship, but they stay dignified and quiet.
There are instances where boys/men are subject to physical/sexual abuse. It could be in the hostel dorm sports ground or anywhere that bullies lurk. It could be a parent/relative/acquaintance/talent scout/peer, anyone! Can you imagine the plight of the victim? He weeps alone, not having the courage to disclose his abuse to anyone. He lives in constant fear, lest they attack him again. At times he is afraid of his reflection in the mirror. He takes drugs to overcome his fear. He even contemplates suicide as he is filled to the brim with emotions that he is unable to express.
The Burden of Family Expectations
There are instances of men falling prey to their inability to manage their family responsibilities. The debts are taken, the stress of wondering how to repay them, the fear of what his family will think his inability to cope, the fear of what will people say, being some. Such decisions have led many a man to jump from the sea link/hang himself/take poison/commit suicide. What are the thoughts of a man contemplating to take his life? Does his life flash before his eyes? Does he cry for the family life he will miss? Does he feel sad for not being there to watch his children growing up? Does he feel sorry he could not be a better spouse/parent/child? Does he regret his actions? Well, we will never know, as we were not attentive enough to see his emotional struggles. No one was there to whom he could confide his fears.
Encouraging Emotional Expression
This is the thought process that needs to change. Why should a man feel shy to express himself – whether he is going through a good time or a bad time? Who are we to judge? If he wants to dance with joy or cry with grief, let him be. Be around for him, and always assure him of your support. Make him aware that he is not alone, that this is the life where nothing goes according to our plans. Teach him to take life as it comes and be ready for disappointments and disillusionments. Tell him it’s okay to be himself. If he wants to come out, let him. If he wants to cross-dress, let him. If he wants to be a ballet dancer, let him. Let him be himself! Let us not tease him for being unable to sock the bully with a punch on his nose. All men have their strengths and weaknesses.
Choosing Life Over Silence
Feeling a gamut of emotions is not a sign of weakness, rather, hiding them is. Relax a bit and take stock of all that is happening in your life. If you are unable to handle any situation, you can take the advice of your elders/peers or anyone you trust. It is perfectly fine to consult a mental health professional if the going gets tough. Remember that you are not alone. If you are contemplating suicide, think of your loving family and friends whose lives will never be the same without you. Banish such thoughts of dying from your mind and choose life! Choose a life where you can speak your mind without fear and without anyone judging you.
Let us respect men for all their unspoken fears and let us treat them with love and dignity. Let them know we have got their back.
Let us follow the adage – “Live and let live.”
