Caring for Aging Parents: A Guide to Love and Patience
Overview
As we grow older, so do our parents. With the advent of age, certain changes occur in the bodies of all human beings. With age, the physical, emotional and mental abilities may gradually begin to show signs of wear and tear. As our parents age, they may become somewhat reluctant irritable and forgetful; they may have difficulty carrying out daily activities like walking, talking, taking their medication, managing their finances, run errands, to name a few. This is where our role as caregivers comes in.
“Caregiving is an opportunity to practice humility, patience and unconditional love”- Dalai Lama.
Given the dynamics of society today, the parents are often, living alone, while their children (with their respective spouses and children) are settled elsewhere. This poses a question, how to manage the challenges of caregiving to aging parents? The most important factor is love and patience. When we were children, our parents cared for us and now it is role-reversal, i.e. we have to care for our parents with the same love and care, they had for us.
Challenges of caregiving for aging parents
We all want the best for our parents and caring for them is not without challenges.
1. Proximity
With the parents living away from the children, it is often difficult to travel to meet them frequently and care for them. In the event of any emergency, we may have to rely on our friends or neighbors to do the needful till we reach.
Solution: You can enlist the assistance of a professional caregiver to check up on your parents daily and help them with their errands, medication, food, doctor visits etc. Be sure to keep your siblings/family/neighbours in the loop, just to be safe
2. Daily Activities
With age, some parents may not be as mobile and unable to manage their daily activities like getting bathed, getting dressed, taking their medicines, eating meals, drinking water, walking without support, moving about the house, etc.
Solution: Try to help your parents with their daily routine, before you go to work. Alternatively, you can ask a professional caregiver to help, part-time or full-time, as may be required.
3. Emotional Needs
Parents, as they age, may tend to be a tad more difficult to understand; difficult to please; difficult to reason; difficult to speak with; difficult! They are undergoing a gamut of emotions and may be unable to express themselves clearly. They may feel lonely or depressed or a loss of independence or be in denial.
Solution: Stay calm and reassure the parents that you understand what they feel and that they are managing just fine. Be there for them, as much as possible. You can also ask your siblings to spend a day with your parents or have some of your parents’ friends visit.
4. Communication
With age, parents may slur/stutter/stammer or forget, while speaking; or have difficulty listening, thereby making it difficult to understand their needs.
Solution: Keep encouraging them and teach them some sign language so that you both can communicate better with each other. Be patient with them.
5. Time Management
It is difficult to care for a parent suffering from a chronic illness, single-handedly, as there are hospital visits to be made; medication to be administered; instructions regarding their diet/ medication to be followed; follow-up up visits to the doctor; all of which are overwhelming, while juggling with your work and children and home responsibilities.
Solution: You may ask your siblings to carry out part of the responsibilities; you can take the help of hired staff to oversee some of the duties (in case you cannot get the day off); you can ask your spouse/children to shoulder some of the duties; delegation is necessary here, to avoid burnout. After all, you must be in good health to care for your parents. Self-care is important too.
6. Finance
Given the normal expenses of a household, additional expenses regarding an ageing/ill parent may somewhat burden the financial situation.
Solution: Medical Insurance can help towards the hospitalization/operation/medical expenses. A health insurance policy will be beneficial. Be informed about the financial condition of your parents and their medical insurance.
7. Medical care
Aging parents require regular health check-ups and follow-ups with the doctor. If diagnosed with any illness, we may not be well versed with the illness, its symptoms, medication, dosage and how to care for the parents.
Solution: Keep a file with the medical history – test results, prescriptions, list of allergies (to any medicine), previous health scares, previous operations (If any), each and everything, so that you have it all in one place. Maintain this file with the subsequent check-ups etc. Discuss any queries with the doctor regarding the medical care of the parents.
Growing old is natural. It happens to everyone. Let us make every effort to make the later years of our parents as comfortable as possible. Let us support them and encourage them. Let us spend as much quality time with them. Let us be patient and understanding, not forgetting the care, love, patience and understanding they showed us when we were small children.
A child is the father of man- remember this? This holds. As our parents age, we become responsible for their health and wellness. We do all that is possible (even more) to keep them happy and safe, as they age. As and when required, we must ask for assistance from spouses/children, siblings, relatives, friends, neighbours, professional caregivers, and therapists. Sometimes parents do not listen to the reason for any diagnosed health condition, and at these times, some third party may be able to convince them to see things your way, for their betterment and cure.
Fun things for parents to do
- Schedule some trips to relatives or friends which will be a welcome change for your parents.
- Teach your parents the basic functions of the internet, so that they can see the movie/series of their liking.
- Plan a day filled with laughter yoga or teach them some basic breathing /exercises that they can easily do.
- Enroll them for a hobby class
- Teach them how to Facetime/video call so they can communicate with their grandchildren living outstation
- Teach them about cybercrimes so that they are careful when using social media /email
- Encourage them to be happy
“We must all work together to build a better world for our children, and that starts with caring for our elders”
Conclusion
Remember, that your parents deserve the best, just like how they have given you their best. Do not ignore them at this age. Treat them with love and respect always. Communicate and talk to them and be with them as much as possible. Caring for them may seem challenging at times, but with support and love, you can make their fading years happy and memorable.
