Why We Hide Our Emotions and How to Stop
I am sure that all of us can identify with saying, “I am fine,” even though we may be engulfed in painful emotions or going through a rough patch in a relationship or some other setback. Mothers often do this, many times, and tell their children, “I am fine, all is well, don’t worry,” in a bid to shield and protect them. The question is, why this pretence?
Well, there are a few reasons why:
- To project to the world that we do not have any problems
- To project that we are in control of our emotions and relationships
- To avoid conflicts, shame, embarrassment, and judgment
- To protect us from painful feelings and emotions
- To avoid being a burden
- To avoid people pitying us
- To avoid expressing so as not to hurt others
- To be liked by all
- To hide our unmanageable emotions
- To hide our inability to accept and manage our emotions
- To hide our inability to manage our relationships
Some people may be adept at hiding and suppressing their feelings/emotions since childhood: e.g. living with a depressed parent, taught them to hide/avoid/suppress their feelings, to the extent that, once adults, they are numb and unaware of their feelings. They automatically say “I am fine” even though they do not recognise what they feel.
Some people are afraid that if they demand anything, people will not like them/they will drive others away. This is because of low self-esteem and malfunctioning relationships.
Remedial steps
Suppressing our emotions leads to build up of stress, anxiety, panic attacks, and host of physical ailments like skin rash, body aches, feelings of fatigue, self-pity, inability to focus, depression or in extreme cases, suicidal tendencies/violence. To prevent ourselves from all this, let us see how to manage our emotions better and improving our life.
1) Accept: Sooner or later, the feelings become very overwhelming and running from them does not work. Honestly accept them, as this shows your strength and willingness to improve.
2) Acknowledge: Acknowledge to yourself that you cannot manage your feelings: be it hurt, sadness, anger, longing, unfulfilled needs/desires. “It is okay not to be okay”,- as the adage.
3) Journaling: Pen down the gamut of emotions that you feel. Let it all out of your system. This helps to understand how you feel.
4) Be your best: Always give your best and do not aim for perfection. Living with all your flaws and inabilities makes you true to yourself.
5) Say no: Say no to things that are not in sync with your values, intellect, and abilities.
6) Let go: Let go of toxic relationships and free yourself from the burden on your mind and heart.
7) Prioritize: Keep yourself first: no more thinking about others and their conveniences, thereby leaving your own needs behind. Be selfish for a change.
8) No comparison: Stop comparing yourself with others, as it may give rise to feelings of envy, self-pity, anger, etc. We all react differently as per our respective prevailing situations, so what is good for others may not be ideal for you.
9) Me time: Take some me-time to unwind and relax from the nitty gritty of your work/ family responsibilities. Allow yourself to slow down and recover, so you can get back to them with reinforced energy and positivity.
10) Help: Ask for help; it is not a sign of weakness. Everyone struggles at some point or the other, so do you. So, leave your ego aside and ask for help.
11) Communicate: When asking for help, be expressive and communicate your feelings with a loved one/professional therapist, who will listen and understand you without judging you. This will take the load off your mind, thereby aiding in your healing.
12) Reward: We all make mistakes. Just as you feel remorse for your mistake, you should also reward yourself for any achievement that you make. This reward will motivate you and teach you to be careful in future.
13) Counselling: If you feel too overwhelmed, depressed or have self-harming thoughts, seek advice from a professional counsellor/therapist to help you deal.
Why pretend and live a lie when you can be honest and heal? Life is made of bouquets and brickbats. Own up and accept both. Life teaches us: we need to accept and feel our emotions. No pretence, just the unfiltered ‘you’.
