The art of letting go: how detachment can lead to inner peace

Introduction

Let go—we have all heard these two words at some point in our lives—when we are angry with someone, when we do not get the much-deserved promotion, when someone has wronged us, when our expectations are not met, or when a loved one has died. Letting go is difficult as we feel emotional and vulnerable and hold on to thoughts, feelings, people, physical possessions, habits, and situations that may no longer be beneficial to us.

Lord Buddha says “The root of suffering is attachment.” Attachment brings forth desires and expectations, which, when, unmet, lead to sorrow. We tend to be clingers, holding on to material possessions and emotional baggage, for sentimental reasons, even though we may be waging a war with our emotions within. Feelings and emotions of inadequacy, fear of the future, fear of failure and loss, societal pressure, emotional attachment, and the Sunk Cost Fallacy make the simple act of “letting go” difficult for us.

Aspects of letting go

It is tough to let go of the following aspects;

Emotional baggage

Emotions like grief, resentment, anger, fear, inadequacy, fear of the future, fear of failure, societal pressure, emotional attachment etc., take time to process. This can only be possible when we decide that we must let go.

Example: the passing of a loved one. Initially, we feel saddened with grief at their passing. Then we feel anger and denial and refuse to believe that they are gone forever. Followed by bargaining where we think ‘if this had happened, they would still be here,” leading us to depression. After a prolonged period (therapy and medication, if required), we finally accept the fact that they are no more. It is only then that we let go of all the anger, denial, bargaining, and depression and accept the ultimate truth: “One who comes, has to go.”

Toxic/past relationships

Letting go of toxic/past relationships can be stressful and heartbreaking. We are so emotionally invested in the relationship, that we fear getting out of it. However, once we understand that it is better to let go for our emotional peace and psychological well-being, we can see what a negative impact it had on us which eases the process of moving on and letting go.

Sunk cost fallacy

The Sunk cost fallacy is when we hold on to something just because we have invested time and effort in it.

Example: Working in an organization that has, in recent times, with the induction of new employees, shown a change of work ethics, with AI and hi-tech. You may be having difficulty working with the AI and hi-tech but you chose to continue working as you have put in a lot many years in the organization. Plus, you fear that with your experience (and limited knowledge of AI and high tech), it will be tough to get another job. What you need to do is take a break, weigh your options, search for another job and leave your present job.

Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future

Wayne L.Misner

How to let go

Letting go is not a one-time wonder, rather it is a lifelong process. It gives us freedom and makes space in our lives for the new. Let us see the psychological process of letting go.

Acceptance: The most important step is taking a reality check and accepting it is now time to move on and release all the resistance that was holding you back. Learn to understand that time and tide wait for no man. Staying stuck in the past is not going to help. Awaken and accept.
Declutter: Once we identify what we need to let go of, we should begin discarding – negative thoughts/emotions, physical possessions that are no longer useful, and toxic relationships. As we begin decluttering, we gradually make room for the new. After all, only after you discard your old faded clothes can you purchase new trendy outfits.
Managing emotions: Letting go involves a plethora of emotions – confusion, fear, anger, sadness, grief, relief. Allow yourself to express and acknowledge your feelings. Do not fight them, simply accept, them without any judgment. Not suppressing your emotions will make you feel calmer. You can talk it out with a trusted friend or a therapist and release all those pent-up emotions. See how you feel, after. You will thank yourself! 😊
Reframe: Letting go helps you re-frame your life. You learn how to let go of a loss and embrace an opportunity instead. You stop thinking about the negatives and begin focusing on the positives. This change of outlook makes you stronger. Your self-respect enhances and you feel the change in your attitude. This change makes you stronger and prepared to face any situation.
Be mindful: Being completely present in the moment i.e. mindful, makes you forget about your past regrets and makes you think of the present, which comes with new opportunities. Mindfulness makes you gradually direct your thoughts away from the negative emotions to the peaceful present. This makes you resilient and it becomes easier to be detached.
Journaling is a good way to let go. Pen down your emotions in your journal to release them. This will give you clarity of thought and you can heal emotionally.
Meditation is another way to let go. It makes you mindful of the present and daily meditative practice calms your senses. Practicing Yoga can also make us mindful. It helps us balance and control our emotions, mind, and body.

Visualization: A creative visualization is another way to let go. Imagine releasing negative emotions like balloons in the air. Imagine the happiness, freedom and joy which will bring about positive changes in your life.
Gratitude: Being thankful for what you have will greatly outnumber what you do not have. Gratitude makes us realise how appreciative we are for what we have. It becomes easier to let go avail of new opportunities and welcome the changes in our lives.

Once we let go of all the emotional baggage and turmoil, we find inner peace and calm. Detachment is what makes life easier. Once we free ourselves from expectations and desires, we attain ultimate peace.